In her highly praised book, “You Only Die Once: Preparing for the End of Life with Grace and Gusto,” Margie Jenkins,  a Houston psychotherapist, makes a compelling case for preparing for life’s ending and using that preparation as the groundwork for living a more bodacious and rewarding life. Jenkins walks the talk and inspires us all. Jenkins, now in her 80s, decided to go back to college in mid-life to pursue a post-graduate degree at a time when “adult women just weren’t doing that.” She talked about that  (and more) with us.

HOUSTON WOMAN: When and where did you get  your undergraduate degree? 

JENKINS: I graduated from the University of Cincinnati in  1945 with a degree in health education. Afterwards, my  husband (Jenks) and I taught at William Woods College in  Fulton, Missouri.

HW: How would you describe the atmosphere for women in the workplace in the 1970s, when you were attempting to go back to school to pursue your graduate degree?

JENKINS: I would describe it as cautiously assertive. We [women] were ready to move ahead but not quite sure of the path to take, and we [women] were experiencing a lot of roadblocks.

HW: Which obstacles were especially challenging for you?

JENKINS: When I enrolled at the University of Houston, obstacles were all around me. Everyone was younger than I, and they didn’t know what to do with me. I dressed differently. Other students wore jeans and t-shirts. I wore slacks and sweaters. Some even came to class barefooted. I wore shoes.

HW: How did the other students relate to you?

JENKINS: On the first day of class, I was asked to introduce myself. I stood up and said I was married, had four kids and wanted to become certified as my own person - not just as a wife and mother.One guy in the back of the room stood up and said, “We don’t need rich people like you who probably lives in 77024 and have husbands who make big profits. Why don’t you stay home and just do your volunteer work?”In one class on the stages of development, a chapter in the textbook talked about people in their 50s and over as slow to learn, with low sex drives, loss of memory, low energy, high fatigue. I gave a report on that chapter of the book and said it was all wrong. Then I complained to the teacher about the book, telling him I objected to its philosophy. I was labeled a trouble maker.

HW: What advice do you have for people (both men and women) in their 40s and 50s who want to pursue new careers?

JENKINS: Go for it. Don’t let roadblocks stop you. Be willing to risk new adventures. Take criticism as a way to learn the opinions of others — not as truth. Be properly prepared by researching your new interest.

HW: You have said that each decade of our lives brings many challenges and opportunities. Would you elaborate on this and how to adjust?

JENKINS: Every future decade is an unknown. We never know what is ahead. The “good old days,” whatever that means, also had challenges and opportunities.Rules change, politics change, health issues change, expectations change, values change, relationships change. The goal is to accept what you can’t change and stick to your own values and beliefs. Because of all the changes that we go on in life, I think it’s really important we keep learning; pass on our values, as well as our valuables, including our stories and history. I tell others to write about their experiences, their role models and be sure the kids and grandkids know what they stand for. 

HW: You encourage all of us to “live a bodacious life.” What you mean by that?

JENKINS: One way to be live bodaciously is to think of ways to make ourselves more interesting, less irritating and more loveable. An interesting challenge, especially the less irritating part. Living bodaciously means to never stop dreaming; it is the spark to imagination and accomplishment, and it enables us to exceed our expectations. There is a shortage of kindness in this world. Living bodaciously also means sharing our love and affection in unexpected ways with people who need it. Living bodaciously means smiling more. (We are better looking when we smile.) It means finding our bliss, having a passion and spending our talents and energy doing things that make us forget time. Living bodaciously means forgiving others and yourself. It means not dragging a garbage bag of regrets into the next decade. 

HW: Why did you write your book, You Only Die Once? Who is your audience? 

JENKINS: In my psychotherapy practice I’ve seen many clients of all ages who are facing end-of-life issues. Most don’t have a clue how to begin the process of planning for life’s final chapter. I saw the need for a “road map” that would help everyone know how to plan for life’s ending. Since dying is inevitable, an equal opportunity event, we all get to do it. I think we should “shop before we drop,” and know the options. I encourage the readers to make important decisions before it’s too late and talk about this subject with family and friends. 

HW: What is the main message of your book? 

JENKINS: In my book, I encourage everyone to live life to the fullest. I think it’s important to evaluate our lives to see if what we are doing is providing us with joy and satisfaction. If not, we need to let go of some things and make room for new adventures that will fill our lives with pleasure. We need to spend more time thinking about what we want to do and less time doing what we have to do. We need to not let a day go by without including some joy, some pleasure, some sense of making a difference to someone else in your life. 

HW: What has the response been to your book?

JENKINS: The response to the book has been amazing. My husband and I have given more than 100 presentations to people all over the country – at hospices, churches, medical centers, retirement communities, financial institutions, hospitals, book clubs, etc.One of my daughters told me recently, “Now I get it, Mom. Instead of the Lamaze method for helping with childbirth, you have written the La Margie method for helping with dying and living.”